I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
