My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
