I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize