I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
