then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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