I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
