): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
