I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
