Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
