He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
