I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
