I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm getting married
To pizza
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
