Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
