Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
