I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
