Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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