what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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