No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
