i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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