what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We have so much sex to catch up on
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
