i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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