just tell him i said nine months
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
