it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
