Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
