I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
