Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
