Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
