He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
