Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
