Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
