oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
