I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
