Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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