Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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