what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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