If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
