More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
