I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
