i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
