doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
