I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
bring money and cleavage
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
