I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
