you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
