she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
