Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
