You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
