Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
