the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
