this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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