You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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