i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
