I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
