No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize