sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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