dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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