Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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