I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
