just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
