i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize