I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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