now i know why i became what i already was.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
