she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
