hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
