its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize