In the future we'll all be gay
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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