I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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