I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
