Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize