And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
