You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize