oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
