I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i think my tv is drunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
